I’ve never been a big fan of hard work. Who really has? We can all recall times in our lives where we would slack off and procrastinate to finish any assignment placed in front of us. I personally never had a hard time coping with the disappointment, but what I could never shake were the words from my father. If anything (and I mean anything) hadn’t been done to the best of my ability, I never doubted receiving a stern talking to. The conversations usually mirrored this one:
“Son!” My father yells from inside the kitchen. He has always referred to me as ‘son’. I never really understood his motive. “Yeah?” I’d reply.
“Why aren’t the dishes clean?”
“The dish washer--”
“But did you see it?”
“I guess...”
“Clean it…. If the dish washer didn’t do it, you could have.” (Usually there is a long pause here.) “You don’t get it! Focus the full power of all you are on that burning desire to achieve. That and that alone, is success.” This was my fatal flaw. I did not possess that ’burning desire.’ I don’t think I ever have. The only ‘burning desire’ I can recall is every time I need to relieve myself after I devour a slew of hot wings.
I never really knew the meaning of success. I feared there was always someone better than me, and if anyone was, I was unsuccessful. Success was the absolute best grades. Success was having the absolute most money. I believed that if I was not No. 1, I’d be a complete and utter failure. Zero. Nothing. Or even worse, being No. 2.
The hardest part about success (or at least what I thought it was) was not knowing whether to ‘live-in-the-now’ or work towards being the absolute best in the future. I’ve had a hard time differentiating because, in the end, whichever path I took, I thought I’d end up missing out on something. Take the case of No. 1 Dude. He is stereotypically successful. It took him years of preparation and study to make it to the number one spot he holds ever so tightly. He vacations in Tahiti and owns a multi-million dollar estate as well as several lavish yachts. Sadly, he has had no time to meet his ideal woman. Instead, he chose to marry a large-breasted, blonde socialite who is clearly only with him for his money and refuses to have children with him because she does not want to lose her figure. On the outside he is happy, but in reality, is dying away. He has missed out on so many opportunities in his life. He must have made so many compromises along the road. And since he has now achieved what he aimed for, what is left? Where do you go from here?
Now we profile No. 2 Dude. No. 2 Dude has lived. He partied. He met the girl of his dreams. He chose play over work and in the end, regrets working his pitiful 9-5. The job does not pay that well so his marriage is paying for it. His get-rich-quick schemes aren’t help for his marriage either. He has wild and crazy stories from his youth to share with his children, whom he constantly pushes to be better than him. He lives in the past, and fantasizes about what could have been; his hypothetical mansion and hypothetical yachts.
In elementary school, I ran home in tears (not proud of this) and straight into my mother’s arms. She asked what was wrong and I replied, “I got an 85.” She looked at me laughing as if I were joking. “Did you study?” “Yes.” “Well if that’s the best you can do, then that’s okay with me.” I looked at her puzzled. I didn’t understand how she could be okay with this. I was no longer No. 1. I dwelled in this for days on end.
In due time, I came to a realization. Why is it that I must either be No. 1 or nothing? I no longer believed there was no happy medium. I have come to realize that my interpretation was all wrong. The truth is that I’d never truly be number one. There will always be another better than me, and that’s something that I, and us as a whole, must deal with. But being ‘No. 1’ doesn’t mean you are successful either. Success is what you make of it. I now see success as happiness. Happy with oneself rather than with others opinions of who you supposedly are. Success is financial stability, not wealth. Success is being comfortable where you are… and I’m okay with that.